FEMOSPHERE

My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with. He’s my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. This was very intentional on my end. I knew that I needed to hold out for my man and not worry about any other guy.

Why I Only Wanted One Relationship

Many of my friends wondered why I would only want one relationship. Didn’t I want to have fun? Wasn’t I missing out?

Ultimately, I knew that sharing all of my firsts with one man and building a life with him would be more fulfilling than anything the dime a dozen guys would have to offer. I wanted to experience the joys of marriage without baggage from the past and negative preconceived notions about relationships.

I knew that two people with character and good intentions can know how to have a happy relationship, regardless of lack of experience.

When my husband and I first became acquainted with each other he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said I had never had one. He asked me why not and I told him “why would I waste my time with a man that’s I’m not going to marry?” I thought that would be intimidating.

I recently asked him what he thought when I said that and he told me he knew that I was really special and that dating was not frivolous to me.

How My Husband Was My One and Only

1. I knew the kind of man I was interested in and didn’t entertain men who didn’t fit that description.
2. I knew my own values and made sure that my husband’s values aligned with mine before we started dating.
3. I was decently sure of my husbands character before we started dating.
4. I behaved in a way that was becoming of a wife because I knew my husband was out there, even if I hadn’t met him yet. This meant no dirty texts, flings, immodest pictures or outfits for me.
5. I got to know my husbands goals and dreams for life and considered if our goals and dreams aligned.
6. I learned my husbands expectations for his future family and wife and I considered if his view lined up with my view. Objectivity is one of the most important traits you need to do proper vetting.
7. I spent time working on myself and my traumas. I learnt about marriage and what it takes to be a good wife.
8. I allowed trusted people in my life, such as my pastor, parents and grandparents, to voice their criticisms of my husband- then boyfriend- to me. These people love me so I knew they would be more harsh than necessary. I found comfort knowing they had very few negative things to say about my husband.
9. I sought to learn about my potential in-laws and their family dynamic. Was anyone in his household growing up abusive? Did divorce run in his family? How do his parents manage their finances? Are they generous or stingy? Critical or open-minded? Does his family treat me well? Is he a “mamas boy?”
10. I observed his temperament. How does he react when he experiences conflict or difficulty? When his sports team is losing? Luggage gets lost at the airport? How does he respond to criticism? Gracefully or aggressively?

I want to end this article by saying that none of this matters if God is not the foundation of your relationship. If you want to succeed, you need to follow Christ and his commands.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. ²⁶ And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. ²⁷ And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

-Matthew 7:24-27