FEMOSPHERE

I was recently looking for cheesy, romantic Christmas movies to watch while wrapping Christmas gifts and stumbled upon the movie “Best Christmas Ever,” on Netflix. This movie, despite the bad acting, tackled so many important themes and concepts and one of them is jealousy.

In “Best Christmas Ever,” average couple Robbie and Charlotte and their two children end up snowed in at Robbie’s college girlfriend’s house due to a GPS error. The college girlfriend, Jaqueline, is now a wildly successful, mother to two geniuses, wealthy, and married to a handsome and adoring husband. Her home is gorgeous, she is kind, stunning, hospitable, and Charlotte is extremely jealous.

Charlotte believes that there is just no way that Jaqueline’s life could be so perfect. Over the Christmas holiday, Charlotte begins to snoop around Jaqueline’s life and into her past looking for any evidence that Jaqueline isn’t as happy as she portrays in their annual Christmas card. Without revealing any spoilers, Charlotte doesn’t find exactly what she’s looking for.

Instead, Charlotte finds that she is unfulfilled in her own life which is causing her to hyper-fixate on Jaqueline. Charlotte’s own husband at one point says, paraphrasing, “is no one’s life that happy? Or is ours just not happy?” Charlotte’s issue with Jaqueline was just projecting her own insecurities.

I thought this movie was incredibly insightful and entertaining. At first I was rooting for Charlotte to find something- anything- that could prove that Jaqueline isn’t perfect. Then I learned a valuable lesson about jealousy between friends. I found that this desire to find the faults in the “perfect” people in our lives is a common temptation.

Social Media and Perfect People

This movie reminded me of the ballerina farm controversy earlier this year. Hannah Neeleman, the face behind the homesteading Instagram account “Ballerina Farm,” has been the target of multiple smear campaigns and criticism from journalists and social media users. After a journalist was welcomed onto Neeleman’s home and farm, she released a defamatory article which portrayed the “Ballerina Farm” life as one of oppressive servitude.

This journalist portrayed Hannah as a weak and feeble woman and her husband, Daniel, as a threatening figure that Hannah has to walk on eggshells around. Weeks later the journalist released an audio version of Hannah’s interview which showed that the author took liberties with Hannah’s story and portrayed things in a more negative light than Hannah ever alluded to.

As a side note, I’ve never written about the Ballerina Farm controversy even though many of the talking points in Hannah’s smear campaign relate to the topics I’m interested in. In my view, this journalist was welcomed to Hannah’s home and farm, a space that is extremely personal. She was graciously granted a view into their business operations. The journalist ate their food and performed niceties all while most likely knowing that she would use abuse Hannah’s hospitality and her good name for clicks. This to me is the ultimate betrayal and I cannot imagine the pain that the Neeleman’s felt due to this journalist’s misleading actions.

The release of the audio version of Neeleman’s interview was a day late and a dollar short. To this day, Hannah and her picture-perfect life is a subject of media hate and social media taunting. Social media users pick apart every post looking for signs that Hannah’s life isn’t as perfect as her aesthetic Instagram feed portrays.

I firmly believe that the self-deprecating humor that was popular in the 2000’s and 2010’s paved the way for content that centers around portraying “realistic” content that is popular today. For example, there is one mother on TikTok (@alexbabii97) who amassed thousands of followers because she makes “realistic” breakfasts for her toddler. The breakfasts? Hostess donuts. This mother receives some criticism, sure, but many of her followers praise her for being so honest and “genuine.”

Influencers brand themselves as realistic and relatable to make their audience more comfortable with following them. They make hundreds of thousands of dollars off of content that showcases their messy homes and imperfect families. I believe that there is one main reason why people follow this type of content.

They follow this content because it makes them feel better about themselves. Seeing content that resembles your own messy life makes you feel more comfortable with your mistakes, trials, or “imperfect” aspects of the human experience. It does not (typically) stir up feelings of envy and resentment. There is no bar that you need to “measure up to.”

Contrast this to influencers who do portray the “perfect” life such as Hannah Neeleman. She’s a beauty pageant winner, even competing two weeks postpartum. She homeschools her eight children and runs a successful business from home alongside her husband. She mostly shows the most glamorous aspects of her life like her beautiful ranch, gorgeous kitchen, and homemade bread. This content might make you think about how you size up. No one is saying you need to size up, but comparison is often a natural byproduct of seeing a person succeed in ways you can only dream of.

If you can barely get your kids to school on time you may be jealous of Hannah Neeleman who can afford a tutor for her homeschooled children. If you are unhappy with your physical appearance you may be tempted to envy Hannah for her beauty and figure. “Perfect” content is a target of jealousy and often leads to hate-watching and unfair criticism.

What Do Perfect People Owe You?

Over the course of this article I’ve put perfect in quotations. This is because there are no perfect people. Hannah Neeleman faces hardship like the rest of us. She was open about the loss of her father and the struggles associated with ranching such as caring for sick livestock. Hannah is not obligated to share any struggles. If she wishes to only post the best aspects of her life on social media, she is free to. She is not obligated to share the vulnerable and private parts of her life.

There is an idea that if only Hannah were more open about her struggles she wouldn’t receive as much criticism. Maybe if she watered down her life she would be more relatable and receive less hate.

But the truth is, no one is is obligated to sacrifice their secrets, their flaws and their failures on the altar of public perception. The “perfect” people who do end up sharing vulnerable aspects of their lives are not received with open arms. Instead the public weaponizes their dark secrets and their mistakes against them.

Applications For Your Life

The topics discussed in this article don’t just relate to the socialites and influencers who seem so much more important than the rest of us. These topics can apply to you.

You might excel in an area and feel that your peers or your friends are jealous of you. For example, maybe you have a genuinely happy and easy marriage. When your friends collectively complain about their husbands and divulge their relationship issues, you’re quiet.

Maybe they notice your silence. Or maybe they just notice the way your husband treats you, how your eyes light up when you talk about him. Jealous people might bait you to complain about him. They might provoke you to share your private relationship struggles or family struggles. They may even try to stir up drama in your marriage.

In these situations remember that you are not required to give up your privacy or become vulnerable just to make other people more comfortable.

It is okay to excel. It is great to excel. It’s also great to keep some of your failures to yourself. Do not feel obligated to water yourself down, or your happiness down, to appease unhappy people.

In fact, if there is anyone in your life who makes you feel like you need to downplay the blessings you’ve received or the things you’ve accomplished, be wary.

Remember Charlotte from “Best Christmas Ever.” Her jealousy was projected insecurity. Don’t pander to the insecure and also don’t ask that the people who you are jealous of make themselves small because you are envious.