FEMOSPHERE

Money is one of the main concerns young people often face when they start thinking about getting married. Finances can be a major deterrent to getting married in your early twenties, but there are ways to make it work.

1. Commit to Taking Accountability

I love watching financial audits and finance videos on YouTube. I’ve noticed that the phrase “my parents never taught me” comes up a lot.

I will acknowledge that the environment that you come from impacts your relationship with finances. Your financial habits as a young adult may very well be a reflection of the economics of your childhood household. This is why it is important to examine yourself and reflect on your habits. Actively examine your habits and tendencies when it comes to finances and how your childhood may affect your perception of money.

At some point, the excuse that you “weren’t taught” about finances just isn’t enough. If you have internet access, you have a wealth of information at your fingertips. There are so many resources on understanding debt, budgeting and reducing spending. There are a ton of videos, books, and articles about the basics of finance.

If you choose to remain uneducated financially, you will have to deal with the ramifications of that, many of which can be disastrous. You may be able to place blame on your parents, but you are the one who has to be accountable for all the poor decisions you make because of that excuse. If you’re not educated financially, that’s okay. Recognize that and make an active effort to learn. Be an adult, take accountability for your own decisions.

There are many aspects of finance that are completely beyond our control. Do your best to be responsible for that which you can control so that you will be able to better handle the financial trials life throws at you.

2. Two Incomes Are Better Than One

When I was preparing to get married at 18, I decided to do everything I wanted to do now, because I expected to be poor after marriage. I expressed this to my married friend, and she got a really confused look on her face and asked, “Why would you be poor?”

I had thought of it as a given that we would be poor, but her question made me stop to consciously think about my beliefs surrounding finances and marriage. After some discussion with my sweet friend, she told me “Two incomes are better than one.” This was something I never thought of before, but it really transformed my perspective.

When people heard that we were getting married at such a young age, “how can you afford it?” was one of the first things they would say. I realized how much I had internalized this comment, how much fear it created within me. I grew up hearing that young marriage would be a financial struggle, that you would have to “live on love.” While I have plenty of love to live on, I have found that young marriage does not guarantee that you will be poor.

In fact, when the right decisions are made, it can be easier to build wealth. Two incomes as opposed to one is an instant boost. Being young, being married, saving money as a couple towards a united goal can be more advantageous that being a single person struggling to do it all on your own.

Building towards a united goal in your early twenties can provide a stable foundation for a financially free future. After all, slow and steady wins the race.

3. Correlation ≠ Causation

Correlation is not equal to causation. I will not deny that many young married people are poor. However, as mentioned above, it is not a guarantee.

Many young married people are poor, but maybe it’s not because they are married, but because they are young. Careers, finances, wealth, they all take time to build. In my experience, when you are young and married, older adults tend to hold you to the level that they are at instead of the level that your age group is at.

You can be killing it as a married couple in your early twenties, but you will be compared (and often comparing yourself to) older couples with years of experience on you. What is overlooked is that rarely anyone in your age bracket is at the level of those to whom you are being compared to. When you get married your gauge for financial success is often other married couples, instead of your age group. Again, I am speaking of my own experiences.

4. Be Sure You Can Afford Married Life

Before you get married, be sure that you can financially sustain the expenses of a household. You should wait until you can make ends meet before getting married.

This is not to say that you must own a house, two cars, go on vacation twice a year and buy $7 coffees four times a week. This just means that you need to ensure at least a basic level of provision. Have a little in savings, be able to live in a safe place and not worry about hunger.

Do your best, as much as you are capable, to start out on the right foot.

5. More Money Doesn’t Mean Better Habits

Before writing this article, I talked to a few of my young married friends. I asked them about their biggest struggles financially with getting married young. One of them made an important point about the habits you bring into marriage.

Sometimes we think “once x happens, I’ll do better with y.” For example, once the winter is over, I’ll do better with my diet. Or once I’m married, I’ll do better with budgeting.

I wrote that two incomes are better than one, but if you start making double what you were as a single person you may feel inclined to relax on your budget and spending habits. The habits that you have as a single person will be the habits you bring into your marriage. Getting married or making more money doesn’t automatically make you a more responsible person.

There are of course problems that can be fixed with a bigger income, but if the only thing preventing you from overspending is a lack of extra money, you will bring that mindset into your marriage.

6. Trade-Offs

With everything in life there are trade-offs. For every decision you make, there is another option you can’t take. This is no different.

Every family has their own priorities. Some people are in a rush to buy a house for their own reasons, some are comfortable with renting. Some prioritize travel, some prioritize starting a family. Social media has made it even easier to compare our lives to the lives of others, but at the end of the day your family unit has to determine what your priorities are.

I’ve found with getting married young, one of the common trade-offs is not having everything that you want. Unless you have a sizeable nest egg you probably won’t be able to buy every brand-new piece of furniture that you’d like. At first, I was a little upset that my home didn’t look exactly as I’d envisioned. Then I realized that it takes time and money to curate your style.

It’s okay if you have to settle on the “uglier” couch until you can get an upgrade. It’s okay if you’d rather have more money in savings than immediately buy a rug for every room. It’s okay to drive a beat-up car so you don’t have to pay an outrageous car payment.

Comparison is the thief of joy. When you feel tempted to be upset that you’re not at the place you’d like to be remember God’s sovereignty. Count your blessings and unplug for a bit.

When I was feeling this way, I realized that everyone I was comparing myself to was much older than me. I went through my social media and realized that everyone I was following and comparing myself to had at least 3 years on me, at most 20+. When you’re starting out even two years makes a big difference. Be patient. Be content.

7. Be Open to Correction and Correct With Love

I haven’t spoken directly on combining finances because I believe it should be a given. When you get married you are becoming one with your spouse. There is no “my money” or “his money” in our marriage. We are united on the financial front just as we are united in every other aspect of our life.

It’s very helpful that my husband and I both are very open to correction. If we think the other is overspending in a category, the accused will listen honestly and genuinely evaluate themselves. (This is not a common conversation for us) If you are correcting your spouse, or bringing an issue to their attention, you should be kind and respectful, not accusing.

I think that a lot of the uproar related to finances is because finance and independence go hand in hand. Our society is hyper-independent compared to societies of the past. It’s not popular to put aside your wants and desires for someone else. However, when you are married you are not independent. You are dependent on your husband, and he is dependent on you. Not just relating to finances. I find a lot of comfort in the fact that I have another person I can fall back on when I need to. And knowing that I can rely on him produces a desire to want to be the best I can for my husband.

Not everyone has a marriage where both parties consider the other equally. But this is a great goal to work towards if you’re already married.

Romans 10:12 “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” (CSB) Other translations say to “outdo one another.” Meaning we do our best to outdo one another in respect, honor and love.

If this is already occurring in your premarital relationship, it should be easy to transfer over to finances. It is incredibly important to choose a spouse you trust, respect, and admire. This relates not only to finances but every other aspect of married life.

Resources

These two videos inspired a few of the talking points I’ve mentioned in this article.

This YouTube video from one of my favorite podcasts speaks about young marriage as it relates to finances. Linked here.

This YouTube video is entitled “Signs You’re Doing Well Financially (Even If You Don’t Feel Like It).” Damien talks about comparison and competition really well in this video. Linked here.