FEMOSPHERE

When I was in my senior year of high school, I started the 75-hard challenge. I was so excited to challenge myself with something so hardcore, despite not having any experience or previous foundation with fitness. Seriously, I didn’t even have gym class.

I was walking down the stairs to the gym when I stopped as an unprovoked thought entered my head, “I don’t do this. I’m not a person who goes to the gym.” I realized in that moment exactly where my resistance was coming from and started to tackle it that day.

I’m so beyond grateful for that negative thought that gave me the opportunity to confront myself and my beliefs.

In the 2010’s it was incredibly popular to participate in self-deprecating humor and constantly make jokes at your own expense. Though I did use it as a way to relate to my peers, I didn’t let it affect my self-esteem too much. By my freshman year of high school, I had grown out of it, thankfully.

I used to laugh about how I would rather die than have to run for my life or how I hate cardio and would never do it. It was apparent to me that even though I had given up those jokes a long time ago, I had internalized what I’d be saying and I’d made it a part of my identity.

The issue I’d had with going to the gym was that it was contradictory to my identity at the time. As a developing teen I had built part of my identity around not being fit. If I wanted to go to the gym, I had to confront this part of my identity and change it.

This is a subject I’ve grappled with over the years, (I made it a week into 75 hard) and I’m sure I will continue to chew on it for years to come but I’ve had a few realizations about this topic.

First, I had to understand that my identity is not based on where I am right now. It is based on what is unchangeable, not on my circumstance in this moment. It is what I’ve been given by God and also what I make it. I had to take responsibility for what I accept as part of my identity– and more than that, question it.

Secondly, I had to show up for myself. I had to listen to the voice telling me “You’re not this type of person” and continue to work towards my goals anyway. Your confidence can only go so far as your experience. I have a thorough article on this, linked here.

Lastly, I came to understand that the words that I say, even in my head, matter. I don’t believe in manifestation, but I do believe that if you tell yourself something, even if it’s just once, you can believe it. I had told myself, my friends, my family that working out is something that I don’t do. So, years later, when I tried to work out, I remembered “this is something I don’t do.”

In my current fitness journey, I know the next thing I need to do is to go to the gym in the early morning instead of late at night. I know this yet I tell myself “I’m not a morning person,” but really I have to ask a critical question:

“What do I give up if I accomplish xyz?”

Behind all your goals that you day you want but don’t work towards, there’s a fear. There’s something you’d have to leave behind. For me, it’s sleeping in late. It’s a morning with a slow start, in all honesty, it’s laziness. If I achieved my goal of going to the gym at 6am instead of 10pm, I would have to give up my late bedtime and sleeping in.

What would you have to leave behind? Are you ready to give that up?

Be honest. I could say “yes, I will definitely go to the gym at 6am tomorrow, every day this week!” But I know myself. Rather than lie to myself, I will tell the truth: “sleeping in late is not something I’m ready to give up yet.”

Is it sexy to say I’d rather be lazy than get up and go to the gym? No. Is it the truth? Absolutely. I’d rather admit to my flaws than to lie to myself.

This is one of the first steps to self-respect, in my opinion. I changed for the better when I stopped lying to myself. What would you have to give up to achieve your goals?