FEMOSPHERE

You may have seen the discourse around coffee dates. There’s been an influx of women within the high-value dating/hypergamy sphere who insist that coffee dates are insulting and that it is a cheap first date that’s not worth their time.

For various reasons such as, it’s too casual, it makes the women feel as though she’s not worth a “real” date, or even that coffee dates are “boring.”

I have a completely different perspective on the controversial coffee date.

I feel that the resistance behind the “coffee date” comes from a place of entitlement. Hear me out. Coffee dates have been declared to be “cheap.” If this is a first date, which is what most of this discourse is based on, why is it wrong that it be affordable?

While I love being spoiled by my man, had he taken me on an extravagant first date while we barely knew each other, it would almost dilute the expensive dates we’ve had in our actual relationship. If my husband spent lavishly on every woman he had a notion of being interested in before he met me, it would mean less to me that he spends on me.

Of course, the man in this equation matters. Is he selective with who he even chooses to get to know? Or does he go on dates all the time? If he is picky, of course it means more that he chose you to go on a date with in the first place.

If I am one step-up from a stranger with a man, why would I expect a very expensive date? Once dating, of course I’d expect my man to take me out to nice places, but if I hardly know him, I don’t need him to spend on me. In fact, it may create an odd dynamic with some men. Do not see those men again.

The nice thing about coffee for a first date is that there’s a time limit. You can gauge attraction and get a read on character, all before your coffee has gone cold. Be honest, most the time you either know if you do or don’t want another date within the first thirty minutes.

Another benefit of the coffee date, coffee shops are very public. If you need a quick exit, subtly chug that coffee and politely exit. If you need a quick exit at a nice dinner, you either have to be very blunt -which I’m not opposed to, and I wish women would do more- or wait until after dessert.

A third benefit of the coffee date is that there is no possibility to get drunk. Not that a feminine woman would become intoxicated, especially on a first date, but you get to observe behavior a part from the influences of alcohol. Many coffee shops are not romantic, if you’re not sure you’re interested in him romantically, it can be a good neutral environment.

While I understand why women may be insulted at a coffee date, don’t rule it out completely. However, I’ve heard women tell stories about how their long-term boyfriends haven’t taken them out on an official date. If you put a label on your relationship and he hasn’t even taken you out for dinner or even a movie, consider the reasons behind that.