FEMOSPHERE

If you’ve recently graduated and you’re entering the workforce, you might find that you have less friends than you used to. This is not because you’ve just suddenly become a worse friend and you’ve failed to maintain friendships. Throughout your twenties you change so much! You decide what your life will revolve around, you find your identity and make your own path. It’s not a surprise that maintaining friendships from your youth is difficult, is it even right for you?

Law of Proximity

The law of proximity is a part of a set of principles of psychology. The law of proximity observes that proximity helps establish relationships with nearby objects. This law also observes that elements in close proximity are perceived to share similar traits.

This means that being nearby, physically, helps establish relationships and who we are nearby physically leads us to believe that we share similar traits. If you think back on your childhood, what types of friends did you have? Typically, your friends were the children in your neighborhood, children from your school or extracurricular programs and/or religious activities. While you had bonds and things in common, they were your friends because of proximity. Had you lived a town over, they wouldn’t have been your friend, had you gone to another school, they wouldn’t have been your friend. To make friends into adulthood you have to use the laws of proximity to your advantage.

Become the Type of Friend You Want

Think of the type of friend you want. Do you want friends who go out every weekend, drink and party? Do you want friends that enjoy waking early every Saturday and going on a hike? Do you want friends who prefer a night in, hosting get togethers, exchanging books? Here’s how to make the type of friend you desire.

First, you have to become the type of friend you want. Usually when this advice is given, it’s in light of the golden rule, “treat others how you’d like to be treated.” I do not mean it that way. To have friends whose goals and lives look like yours, you have to be living up to your goals. You have to be getting up and going for that hike. You have to put yourself out there, join book clubs, crafting groups, go to that Pilates class after your 9-5, you have to be living the life you want to experience with others.

You have to have the kind of life you want to share and experience with others.

For example, I recently started taking a beginners ballet class. I took this class for many reasons both social and physical. I knew ahead of time a few things about the girls I would be taking the class with:

-they are within my age range, willing to try new things

While friendship wasn’t my intent behind taking the class, I knew that in a class of 8-10 other girls I would find someone I would connect with. And I did!

Where to Make Friends

I touched on this in the last section of this article but I’ll give you a few more ideas on where to make friends.

Classes:
Pilates
Yoga
Ballet
Weightlifting
Spin class

Check your local gyms for classes, getting a classpass is a financially beneficial way to try a bunch of different classes and find which ones work for you. Get there early, stay a little late, make conversation and be friendly!

Crafts:
Sip and paint nights
Arts in the Park
Farmers Markets
Vintage markets

Check your local library for crafty events, libraries often host crafting and reading events. Facebook is also great for finding local events to attend.

Clubs:
Book clubs
Bible Studies
Hiking
Board games

Have things planned to invite people to. Host a monthly board game night, a book club, a hike group. Follow through with your plans regardless of who does or doesn’t show up. Live a life so abundant you can’t help but to find people to share it with. Live the type of life you want to experience with others.